My Story

“Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.”

~ Lucille Ball

My Story

“Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.” ~ Lucille Ball

In my late 30s, I went through a gut-wrenching divorce. My ex-husband, someone I thought loved me, walked out suddenly. 


I would have missed his exit entirely had I not woken up to the sound of his packing. He was planning to take off in the wee hours before I woke. 

 

After that, it was a whirlwind of watching him in a string of relationships with women he met online. He lied about being divorced and showed off our joint assets in his dating profile. Simultaneously, he came after me for half of our assets, most of which was money I earned since I out-earned him significantly.

 

This photo was taken a few months after all that went down. I lost weight rapidly because I couldn’t eat or sleep. I questioned why I even bothered to exist at all. If a button existed that I could press and disappear, I would have pushed it in a heartbeat.

In retrospect, what made the breakup so hard was that I assessed my value through what was outside of me. I did not feel any sense of intrinsic value, so when my ex-husband retracted his adoration, I “lost myself” and any sense of self-worth.

 

All my life, I’ve worked so hard to do the right thing — started college at 16, received a Masters in Computer Science from Stanford at 21, bought a house on my own a few years later, managed global sales teams at marquee Silicon Valley companies, and built a business that earned six figures in one year while working full-time. However, any relief these achievements bought me was temporary; Most nights, anxiety plagued me, and I rarely slept well.

 

I was stressed and unhappy, but I did not know how to stop. I was exhausted, but I was afraid to slow down.

 

I didn’t realize it then, but my ex’s departure was a tremendous gift in disguise. It woke me up from the trance that self-worth can be earned through what is outside of me. 

 

Sensing that I was severely depressed, my therapist at the time suggested that I ought to love myself more. I asked her how.

 

“You are lovable because you exist,” she said.

 

Back then, what she said made no sense to me. How could I be lovable for simply existing when even my own parents abused me? What’s more frustrating was that she did not know how to help me understand this viscerally or give me exercises to build self-love. All she did was listen.

 

For the next decade, I applied the work ethics I reserved for my career and business towards learning how to love myself. It took tons of research and trial & error, including traveling across the globe to understand different healing modalities, but I found a way to heal myself. I learned how to manage difficult emotions, communicate skillfully with others, and set healthy boundaries. These changes didn’t all come at once, but cumulatively, they made me a new person. I was finally happy and content in my own company. 

 

Shortly after, I met a kind, courageous, and high-integrity man. He is now my husband. We also have an adopted cat we love called Snuggles.

 

I never dreamed that life could be this good. Everything I have ever wished for as a child, I now have. I am grateful for it every day.

If you are haunted by self-doubt and insecurities because of a difficult childhood, don’t waste any more time living smaller than you are meant to be. Life should be enjoyed, not endured. I know what it’s like to struggle alone, but this doesn’t have to be you. I want to help you stop overthinking it, gain clarity on what steps to take, and find your tribe.

 

My ladies-only group coaching program is designed with all the ladies I’ve had the privilege to work with in mind. It is for ladies who believe that love must be earned, who overworks and overgives to please others, who puts herself last, who thought she’ll never find a good man, who lies awake at night dreading the day, and who wonders why life’s even worth living when it is so painful.

I can relate to all of the above because this was me once, and the younger Yumay could have benefited so much from these offers. 

If I could travel in time, I would teach the

younger Yumay what I know now and save her unnecessary suffering.

In healthy families with good enough parents, kids are not only taught life skills by their parents, but they also learn effortlessly through osmosis by merely watching how their parents live their lives and work with people.

 

Asking these well-adjusted adults why they value themselves and how they have great relationships is like asking a fish how to swim. They can swim, but they can’t teach you.

 

I realized that I am in a unique position to teach because, boy, did I have an awful childhood, and boy, did I struggle and swam against the current to be where I am today, a life I am ever so grateful to have surrounded by people I love who loves me.

I’m an engineer at heart, and years ago, I started reading brain research. I cannot begin to tell you how excited I was and how much hope it ignited in me when I discovered that even adult brains are plastic — every time we learn something new, the brain’s physiology changes. The maladaptive mindset and coping mechanisms we picked up in childhood can be unlearned just like it was once learned. We can rewire our brain when given the right guidance and consistent practice.

 

In the coaching group, I will fluidly utilize multiple healing modalities, so we use the best tool to tackle each issue. 

I will also teach you the “WHY” behind everything we do, so you can continue to practice on your own and gain new insights forever.

 

I want YOU to have the magic to heal yourself for the rest of your life. I want you to not have to rely on ANYTHING or ANYONE outside of yourself for inner peace and self-love.

 

I want you to be EMPOWERED to live life on your own terms. I cannot begin to tell you how excited I am to offer the women-only coaching program. I’ve struggled for eons alone trying to get out of a long, dark, winding tunnel, and what a privilege it is that I can now be a guide. I hope you will come on this journey with me. Healing is not only possible, but you can go beyond surviving to thrive in all areas of your life. 

 

You got this.

Yumay Chang

DISCLAIMER I am not a therapist or a doctor, and the coaching program is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek your physician or medical health professional’s advice for any questions you have regarding a medical condition


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