How to Heal the Anxious Preoccupied Attachment Style

 by Yumay Chang

  • Do you feel insecure in relationships?
  • Have you acted out because of your overwhelming insecurity?
  • Are you worried that your protest behavior (acting clinging, jealous, upset) is pushing your partner away?

If you answer YES to these questions, you may have a predominantly Anxious Attachment style.


Our attachment styles are formed in childhood, and a person with the Anxious Attachment style likely had unpredictable, emotionally immature, or unstable parents that only provided inconsistent care. This lack of stability leaves the child not knowing what to expect, and to gain a sense of control, the child becomes highly attuned to the parent’s mood, and many develop into people-pleaser adults with an Anxious Attachment style.


For those of us that are Anxiously Attached, we both crave relationships but we also suffer a lot in them. Relationships, especially an intimate relationship with a romantic partner, bring out our childhood wounds and limiting beliefs of not being worthy of love. We watch our partner’s words and actions closely for any signs that they may be pulling away, and we act out and do things we may later regret that drive people away. It’s a vicious cycle, but there is a way to break it.


In this episode, I detail how the attachment wound formed and walk you through a 6-step Dialectical Behavior Therapy process to help you bring your thoughts and emotions back into balance. I then talk about managing a relationship, starting from the dating phase, so you have the best chance possible to heal your attachment style and have the healthy, mutually supportive relationship you deserve.

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Yumay Chang

My name is Yumay Chang, and I run Life Is Love School, a global support group for childhood trauma survivors. I had a challenging childhood, and I know what it’s like to feel not good enough and not lovable. I learned through over two decades of research and plenty of trial and error how to heal so I can live a life of joy, love, and purpose. Now I help women that are successful at work but are unfulfilled in their personal lives do the same so they can also shine their brightest.


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